Something about You Has Never Changed
by Skryva
Summary: AU. Set in the future after S4. Keenler. English is not my first language. Welcome every type of review. Character's thought was written in italic.
1. Why do you have to be here?

**Chapter 1.**

" **Why do you have to be here?"**

Elizabeth Keen stared at the wall of not so large office of one of the secret FBI field offices in the world. Some evidences of appreciation for the work of Special Agent Donald Ressler were hung there, staring back at her. She sighed. The unexplained tenderness from somewhere inside her chest has returned.

 _How many years have elapsed since their last meeting? It's been only almost four years. But why does it feel so much longer than that?_

She observed there was no picture of him on the table or the wall. His working table was clean and tidy. There were some schedules, some different maps with target poins and many pictures of unknown people on the wall behind his chair. His own personal request for transfer to an unknown FBI field office four years ago, she had known from Reddington that now he worked on uncovering corruption in the system, especially to catch highly unreached officials or important persons who were actually not as good as their public image.

Her trance of thoughts were cut by the voice outside his moderate size of office. His laugh when someone teased him about some words she didn't really catch. His laugh and some words he said back in a proudly tone she also didn't hear clearly. Some quick steps approached could be heard and she felt her heart pounding even more than before. Her chest felt hurt in the process.

" _Hi, Ressler, someone waiting for you in your office._ " She heard someone yelled outside.

Silence.

She waited nervously. She could not stand anymore to just sitting there, stood abruptly reaching for the door to present herself and ended her erratic heart rate. But when her hand had been already on handle, the door sprang opened to her direction faster than she had expected, made her stood face to face with him, close but not closer enough, eye level.

Silence again.

 _Blond, gelled hair, blue eyes. Surprised – or shock...?_

"Ressler..." She finally managed to say, but hated her own uncertain voice.

"Keen." She heard his voice, cool, controlled.

Her other words were held on the tip of her tongue because he tore his eyes from hers, turned around to close the door slowly, darkened the window and walked to the chair behind the table. Every manner of him felt so controlled to her.

 _He looked thinner,_ shethought.

He sat down then, looking at her with this unreadable emotion on his face. She found herself automatically sitting down again without being asked.

"Hi, it's good to see you." She said quickly just to ease the tension she felt inside the room.

"What do you want?" He asked with his unreadable eyes. His tone was calm, she couldn't feel any emotion in it.

Suddenly a nauseated wave attacking her from inside. She forgot what response she had expected from him, but she remembered not like this one.

"To see you." She tried to say as calmly as she could, without being choked.

He smiled a little after stunned for a moment. A smile which didn't reach his eyes at all. She didn't think it's possible that a smile she had so much missed could also hurt her at the same time.

"For what?" He asked again.

"Ressler –" She tried to put it mildly, friendly way.

"My guess –" He cut her, " –Reddington told you where to find me. I believe it's for a reason. So, let's not wasting each other time, shall we. Why are you here, Keen?"

Anger filling her chest, threatened to explode. She stood up then.

"Well, you're completely wrong, Agent Ressler. Reddington doesn't know I'm here. I thought four years ago you said you wanted to start a better life. Never in my life have I imagined that a life here has changed you to become someone worse than I used to know. If you think this is not worth your time then fine, I'll leave!" She headed for the door but stopped immediately because he blocked her way.

"I thought four years ago we're clear enough!" his voice raised, matching hers. His eyes were on fire, angry. She could see the tension framed his body.

She glared back at him challengingly.

"If your memory's still intact, you'll remember I didn't promise anything."

"I'm not a physicist, let alone a profiler. All I remember – you say nothing! To me, it's clear enough!"

"You can't control me, Ressler!" She pushed him just to have more space in between, to breath and also to reach the door – which should have been closer by now. But she's shocked because he caught her wrist and his hand clamped around it tightly.

"Neither – can – you, Keen." His tone sounded dangerously sharp to her –like he meant every word in it.

Liz felt suddenly hard to breath again because his face was so close. She could feel his breath. His presence. It's hard to explain, but it's so Ressler's that it brought back her memory about things she had planned to say or do when she met him at the first place. But she couldn't bring her body into action despite the hurt she felt for fighting against herself because at the same moment she could see the fight through his heavy blue eyes.

As sudden as he grabbed her hand, he let it go and stepped back, not quite meeting her eyes when he repeated every word, "Neither can you." It sounded he said it to himself instead of to her.

Liz felt the pain around her hand, but it's nothing compared to the confusion Ressler had just created for her because he just looked away and walked pass her, went back to his chair and gave her so much space to go ahead. She felt a great loss.

"You're free to leave." His voice back to cold and controlled again.

Liz hated this. Then with a strong determination –she herself wondered where it came from, she approached his table again and boldly wrote something down on one of his sticky notes.

"My address only for three days. I come here as a friend – to talk. If you don't want, it's fine. I don't need a fake friendship. Monday morning I'll go back to DC. So, if you don't show up, today will be our last meeting. I won't disturb your precious time ever again."

She left him. She didn't notice how he had responded to her action because she couldn't resist the tears that threatened to spill out of her eyes. She didn't hear if he's said something or called her back. When she opened the door, she found some pair of eyes glued to her then looked away. She didn't care whether they heard all of it. She just practically run away. Fast.


	2. Why do you have to make this harder?

**Chapter 2**

 **Why do you have to make this harder?**

Almost four years ago...

Today Elizabeth Keen could not find him again in the Post Office. No one knows where he was. Something about his two-days-straight absent was enough to bother her. Donald Ressler presence was almost steady except when he got assignments across city or country. It's like he integrated himself within the Task Force.

At first, she had texted him, it had never been replied. Then she called him, only to have it ended at voicebox. At the end of the day, anxiety got the best of her. She asked her boss, Harold Cooper. His answer made her worried more. He said Ressler would present tomorrow to give some explanations. She went home with so much thoughts and told Tom, but he said she's overreacted because he believed Ressler was one man army and capable to take care himself more than anything. So, at midnight, when everyone (Tom and Agnes) had slept, she called Reddington.

" _Donald needs some time, Lizzie._ " That's all the point she got. Ressler needs time. _Why? Time for what?_ She got more confused. After the case with her fake death and during the whole carry-over consequences with Alexander Kirk, Ressler seemed to be the only person in the Task Force, beside Cooper -of course, who managed to keep proffesional and get the job done. She expected him to be furious at her, to reject helping her and Tom in searching for Agnes, but what had happened was the other way around. For her, it's too good to be true. Now, that Kirk arc was over, everything was back to the normal blacklisters, he's suddenly wasn't around? _Maybe he needs some time to rest._ Her own answer didn't give a needed satisfaction. _Why didn't he just say if he took a day off then?_

Reddington didn't want to explain it further. Said Ressler would explain it himself when he was ready. And Ressler's explanation would be more accurate than him. Sometimes Liz felt Reddington knew more about Ressler than her. She couldn't sleep that night.

The next morning she found Ressler came later than usual. Then Cooper called them – she, Samar, and Aram – to gather around the work area in the middle of the war room. She tried to catch his eyes, but he looked so absorbed in thought and didn't seem to notice her. She didn't really pay attention to what Cooper had said as a brief introduction because there was something in his gesture that disturbed her. Ressler seemed off.

"... which bring us here." She heard the last sentence from Cooper before giving a nod to Ressler.

She observed his hesitant first. Then Ressler dropped that bomb. He'll leave the Task Force and Post Office. Tonight. New assignment. Confidential. For indefinite time. That's why he didn't show up lately. He said he had to think and prepare everything.

She barely listened after that. Her heart sank. His words "I'm leaving tonight" were echoing in her ears – made her head slightly dizzy. She felt the need to hold on to something.

"... And Miss. I'm-nobody-special..." she heard him saying, made her head snapped to look back at him. She held her breath. Their eyes briefly locked. She found him frowned a little. Concern filled his eyes, but slowly dissapeared when she forced her lips to form a weak smile. "You're so much more than that." He completed his sentence with an earnest look. She could feel her fake smile was widening a little bit. _But damn, her heart is hurt so much._ She pressed her lips tightly, fighting back the tears. "It's a pleasure that I've ever had you as my partner back then." He continued. _No, the pleasure is all mine,_ her heart cried out. But, nothing came out from her lips. She could only nod weakly. Ressler closed the seemed to be a small farewell meeting and went back into his – used-to-be-their office. Liz stood there for a moment. Frozen.

"Agent Keen, are you all right?"

"Sure, Aram. Fine." She finally found her tongue again while keep looking Ressler clearing his stuff from his desk.

"It's shocking, right?" Aram said. "I also can't believe it. I've never thought this will happen. Not in a million years. I can't believe he requested this himself."

Liz spunned to Aram. "What did you say?"

Aram looked at her, confused. "Oh, I said I've never imagined seeing he'll leave this place someday. I mean - now you're back –"

"No, Aram. You said Ressler himself asked for this?"

"Oh, that. Uh..."

"I thought Cooper said he got a confidential assignment."

"Well, it's true. It's confidential. I mean only Mr. Cooper and Agent Ressler know about it. I don't think Mr. Cooper also know the detail of this assignment. Look, forget what I'd said. I –"

"Aram.." Liz gave him a look that made Aram changed his mind.

Xxxxx

Liz calmed down herself before entering the office where he seemed to almost finish filling the box with his stuff. He looked up.

"Why?" she slightly demanded.

He frowned. "Why what?"

Liz approached him. Hands folded in front of her chest.

"Don't lie to me. It's not an assignment. It's your choice."

His eyes grew wider. Then he looked back to the box, filled it with more stuff. The way he handled the stuff showed he's upset.

Liz stepped closer, put her hand on top of his, efficiently stopped him from working. He looked at their joined hands, then glanced at her at last.

She felt he slowly pulled his hand away from under hers, then seemed to be careful when he said,

"It's the best. Now, will you excuse me? Have to get rid of this before 12."

He turned away. She faced his back. He opened the large drawer in front of him, started to sort some files. After that he pulled a new box. Looked at the box and stopped for a moment, seemed loss in thoughts. Liz continued to stay there, watching, wondering what words she could say more, while he's staring at that stupid box. But when he lifted the small paper glass, meal boxes and an empty wine bottle from inside the box and put it into the nearest bin, she caught her breath. She acknowledged the stuff. It was from her birthday dinner –the last one they shared together. Ressler was already filling the now empty box with the useless files he just sorted.

Suddenly those moments were back into her mind. Her birthday, shooting Connoly, Ressler hunted her down... his determination to do everything in his own method to exonerate her..., his opinion about her and Tom..., he violated federal law to help her, and after he found her still alive, after he knew what she had done, he just hugged her without saying anything. She still couldn't forget the hurt and relieved at the same time plastered on his face at the Summer Palace.

He never voiced his anger or hurt. They barely talked after that because they're busy searching Agnes. She didn't know how he actually felt. But judging from his reaction, she could now feel she understood. She felt the lump sitting inside her throat and swallowed hard, but the lump was still there and it was pain.

"You know..." She said softly, "You can unleash your anger, your hurt, your emotion, anything inside there to me, but just ..." _Don't act like this. Don't go. Don't run. "_... just not like this."

He stopped again. Then put down the box slowly before facing her.

"Ok. Let me clarify this. I think I've been all over that. Why should I be angry or hurt? Kirk is gone, you're breathing, alive, and Agnes is safe. Job is done. This is only an acceptance."

Liz felt she just loss something precious.

"Acceptance for what?" her voice cracked.

"That I have to move on." He paused, then said again, "For a better future."

"Move on, huh? You mean –forget everything here, Reddington, the Task Force..." _Me..._ _which I can understand perfectly..._

Ressler inhaled deeply.

"I don't think I can forget all of this, especially a certain woman who came back from the death." He said as a matter a fact.

Liz ignored the hurt in her chest. "I'm sorry."

Ressler stepped closer and said calmly, reassuring, "Liz, we can't change the past. I said I'm over it now. You should too."

She could not find any words to say back. Ressler lifted the box up and looked at her.

"Uh, I should go now."

"So, that's it, huh? We're partners, but no handshakes, hug, whatsoever..." She said finally.

Ressler looked at her for a moment, considering. Then he put the box on the table. He opened his arms. "Well...?" His face cracked into a small smile, a little sad.

Liz started to smile too, then hugged him.

"Good luck." She whispered.

"You too." Ressler whispered into her ear.

She felt his strong arms held her tight like when he found her at the Summer Palace. Deep down inside, Liz couldn't accept this. She felt angry. He would go to somewhere she didn't know for who knew how long and they would never meet again.

"You'll be okay." Ressler whispered again and rubbed her back.

She felt he slowly stepped back, but she wasn't ready to let him go yet. He separated himself slowly, and Liz found his face was so close. She could notice for a split second his misty blue eyes. And before he stepped further away her lips had captured his.

Liz felt his jolt of surprise, but she didn't care. She needed him. And she felt slowly he gave in before kissing her desperately. His kiss almost blew her away – but then he stopped himself abruptly. Liz could feel he tried to catch his breath. So did she.

 _What just had happened?_

She looked up to him. Confusion filled his eyes.

 _What did you just do, Keen?_ She asked herself.

Someone opened the door. But she didn't care.

"Liz, I heard –"

Ressler broke himself from her and looked at the door. Liz followed his glance and found her "husband" standing there. His eyes were speculative.

"What happened?" Tom entered the room.

"Nothing." Ressler answered. His voice was bold, but couldn't hide a little shakiness there. Then quickly he lifted the box from the table. "We're just saying goodbye. I got a new job. Confidential. So, this will be the last time we meet."

"So I heard. Congratulation, Man!" Liz watched Tom said to Ressler. "Look, I know that we're not always in good terms –" Tom started.

"Just don't mess up your second chance." Ressler cut him. They shared a look. Tom nodded, seemed to understand the meaning behind his words.

He didn't look at her again when he said. "Goodbye, Liz."

Liz watched him walking out of the door while Tom stepped closer to her.

She felt her tears beginning to flow.


	3. Why does it always come back to you?

**Chapter 3**

 **Why does it always come back to you?**

Flashback – around six months ago ...

Donald Ressler was sitting at the dark corner of a small cafe facing a cup of very hot black coffee. He hated waiting. He looked at his watch. It was almost midnight. It was very cold outside. The cafe was the only place opened at that time. There's only a few persons there, not more than eight, including him. All their faces were familiar to him. _Nothing to be worried of tonight_ , he thought.

He opened the file again, studying the pictures inside it, and sighed. Felt very uncomfortable. Anxious.

' _Why?_ ' he wondered.

He didn't think it further because he could feel someone standing before him. He closed the file slowly and looked up.

' _What the hell?!_ ' He cursed inside.

"Hello, Donald! Long time no see." Instantly, a familiar fedora was put on the table.

His shock quickly turned into fury.

"What –"

"Your informant sucks." Raymond Reddington cut him and slid himself in a chair in front of him. "I'm sure you'll like the replacement better, especially the one who should've dealed with this urgent matter since the very beginning. So, without unnecessary ado, you can start talking."

"Have you ever thought why I used an informant to deliver the message to you?" He asked with a restrained voice.

Red was just staring at him with his usual long and serious look, waiting.

"If I've ever seen to have a meeting with you by someone you should've known by now, you are actually digging Liz's and your own grave!" Ressler said under his breath.

Red gave him a sly laugh.

"I appreciate that you care about me that much, Donald. But I can't believe that our memorable moments in the Task Force didn't teach you anything about how well I can protect myself and especially Elizabeth Keen."

"Red, I'm serious." He warned him.

"Oh, do you think I'm not?" The older man raised his voice a little.

Both looked each other, the tension was raised. Ressler finally gave in. He opened the file and shoved it in front of Reddington.

"As you've already known, I'm in a deep undercover. This man -," he pointed to one picture, "is high profile figure in this government defence organization. I learned that he – connects with this blacklister whom you're working on. Last night I found this man targeted you and Liz. He suspects you work for the FBI. He also knows your connection with Liz." Ressler paused and looked at him.

"I know now why you're so obsessed with her."

Reddington gave him a hard look. Ressler couldn't read his emotion, but for a split second he could see there was a brief flash in his eyes, something he'd never seen before, when he said he knew about him and Liz.

"You dare to say one word about it –"

"I won't now." Ressler cut him. "But this is not a game, Reddington. They're connected. Read the file yourself. They're closer than you imagine. We need to work on this two under their radar."

"Ah," Reddington smiled after a long pause. "That's a progress. So, you finally trust me, Donald?" He's back to his charming gesture.

Ressler felt a slight annoyance inside, but ignored it.

"Look, we do it my way. It means – no private meeting like this again. If you read the file, you'll know it's too risky for both of you."

Reddington closed the file and kept it inside his suit. He didn't look the file yet, but gave Ressler a look that he'd understood already.

"All right." Reddington said.

Ressler took a deep breath. Deep inside he felt slightly proud, could make a deal with Reddington.

"One more," he said, "I think you agree this is only between us. I'm still not sure who else in the legal system are involved. So, there's no need to tell anyone in the Task Force, including Liz. Consider we've never met."

Reddington snorted. "Now you're telling me what to do?"

"It looks like it." Ressler gave him a serious look.

Ressler stood up, prepared to go. "I'll contact you." Ressler said crisply.

"Lizzie asked sometimes, whether I know how to contact you." Reddington suddenly said, made him stopped in place.

Ressler didn't know what to say. He didn't expect that. "You know we can't give her that." He said finally.

They shared an understanding look again.

"I think you need to know – for almost three years Liz and Tom were not together anymore." Red said.

Ressler couldn't ignore his heart skip a beat. He didn't know. He also didn't expect.

He tried to keep his voice neutral when he said, "It doesn't matter anymore. The important thing is –"

"What you feel is important, Donald." Red cut him again, put his fedora back, and got up.

"Think about it." He said again while leaving him behind.


	4. Why do you also have to keep secret?

**Author's Note:**

I just want to say a big thanks to all the reviewers! Really made my day! 3 3 3

Please enjoy the next chapter!

 **Chapter 4**

 **Why do you also have to keep secret?**

Back to the present day...

Elizabeth Keen sat on the rightside of the bed in a small hotel room where she booked for two nights. It was almost midnight. She still couldn't forget how the meeting with Ressler this morning had gone awry. After she went back to the hotel this afternoon, she just fell asleep, but not really sleeping, because her mind was wandering. She tried to ignore what he had said, but she couldn't forget his eyes when he said it. She couldn't forget their brief closeness –as if he almost do that again.

' _Do what, Keen?_ ' her other mind sneered. ' _Kiss you? It was you who started the kiss. And it was four years ago – for your own sake!_ '

' _But something he put on that kiss –_ ' her other mind – the positive side – whispered in a hope.

She couldn't forget the only kiss they shared after three and a half years working together.

She sighed. The guy basically pushed her away. ' _He has moved on._ ' She just only understood now what he meant by moving on.

' _He doesn't move on from his job. He keep working to uphold the law. He even maintains his contact with Reddington –of all people – for who knows how long. The difference here is the Task Force and me.'_

But she was sure he didn't have problems with the Task Force. His anger was directed to her. He might not admit it, but it's there, below the nonchalant exterior in the Post Office for who knows how long, and just exploded this morning. ' _He moved on from me._ ' She felt emotionally pain and tired for just thinking about it. ' _You don't know that someone is so precious until you really lose him._ '

The ring of the her phone brought her back to reality. Liz wiped a silent tear away from the corner of her eye and saw a flash of Nick's Pizza on it. ' _Of course Red always knows finally._ '

"Yeah?" Her voice was hoarse.

"What do you think you're doing?" Red asked her.

"What do you think?" Liz asked him back.

"I'm on my way to pick you up." He ignored her question.

Her anger raised.

"You know where he is and didn't tell me." She said.

Reddington didn't immediately respond. Then she heard he said, "First, I've never known where he is. Second, it's Donald who always contacts me first. The rest I'll explain later. Right now, the most important thing is getting you out of there. It's not safe."

Liz frowned, doubted.

"What –" she didn't continue because at the same time the weak sound at her room door made her head snap to stare at it.

"Lizzie?"

"There's someone..." she whispered and started reaching for her gun inside her bag.

It was too late because the next second her door was wide opened. She dropped her phone and took the aim with her gun. Two men entered. She shot but missed because at the same time her hand which held the gun was hit by the man. They grabbed her. She fought. Hard. Soon she was outnumbered. Then she heard another shot. One man fell down.

"FBI! Stay where you are!"

She looked up just to find those beautiful deep blue eyes she just really missed. No coldness there, only fear.

"Put down the gun or I'll shoot!" she heard the man said while she felt the cold of muzzle on the rightside of her temple.

Liz looked at Donald Ressler who slowly raised his hands up without dropping his gun. Their eyes locked. He didn't come alone. Two other persons behind him also did the same.

"I said drop it!" the man yelled.

"Ok, take it easy, Pal..." Ressler said while slowly lowering his hand and body to put the gun on the floor.

Liz knew he tried to buy some time. Ressler was almost put his gun on the floor when suddenly someone said in cheerful tone,

"What is this so much fuss all about?" Raymond Reddington appeared at the door with a serious Dembe behind him. His voice was as loud and clear, as clear as the blue sky in summer time. No gun, no panic, nothing.

Liz felt the muzzle of the gun that stick to her temple started to loose slightly. It's clearly the man got distracted by Red appearance and demeanor – she wasn't sure which one distracted him most. She didn't waste time and immediately practiced her training while she's still in academy. It's about how to break free from someone who held a gun to your head. And Ressler saw it, aimed his gun. Another shot rang after that. The man was down.

Both, Reddington and Ressler came to her, while the other FBI agents were busy to take care the crime scene, including the bodies.

"Lizzie, are you allright?" Red firstly said at the same time with Ressler yelling, "Are you crazy?"

Liz winced, looked at furious Ressler. ' _Not furious'_ , she corrected herself after seeing his pale face. ' _He looked frightened._ '

She felt Reddington pull her into a hug. "I'm okay." Liz said while keep looking at Ressler.

"We have to go." Reddington said.

Hearing the word 'go' made Liz pay her attention back to Reddington.

"No." Liz said to him.

"Yes." Ressler chimed in, boldly. "It's not safe –"

"Not after I know what both of you hide right under my nose!" Liz cut him sternly while throwing an annoyance look to Red and Ressler alternatively. "Especially you, Mister," she emphasized to Ressler.

Both of them looked at each other. She won't let him back away. Not now, never again. Ressler finally said to her, grimmed face. "I'll explain – only the relevant matter – but not here."


	5. It's because --

**Chapter 5**

 **It's because...**

Ressler led them to another room of the hotel. He asked the other agent to watch at the front door while Red asked Dembe to do the same.

"Look," Ressler started, threw a serious look to Liz and Red, "You – and Reddington – can't be here long. I didn't expect that they knew you had met me and followed you afterwards. There's a mole in my side here – for sure – and we've found him – thanks to you. But they didn't get you, so –"

"Ressler, stop." Liz interrupted him. "Who are they? Why now you also hide something from me?" she demanded without hiding the hurt in her voice.

A guilt was written over Ressler's face for a moment before he answered with his deep voice, clear and bold,

"Keen, we don't have time for this. Reddington will explain the detail. The point is –someone higher, within our defence system, is going after Red through you. This person worked for our enemy –outside this country. He's also connected to the Blacklister you're after. I've been in undercover mission for almost a year now, and not sure whether my cover is still intact. So, I need to finish my job and so do you."

Liz glared at him in silence, there's an inner fight between confronting him again or just dropping the matter for the sake of job – or national security – so to say.

"I'll wait outside." Red said, breaking the tension.

"Fine. I'll go." Liz finally said without moving her eyes from him.

Ressler let a relieved breath pass his lungs, dropped his eyes.

However Liz called for his attention again by saying, "Just so you know how dissapointed I am and ask myself – what happens to Donald Ressler I've known – the only person who once had always been honest to me."

He didn't expect she would say in that way. Cold eyes looking at him sharply. Words came out just like that. Felt like a knife strucked his gut then twisted it.

' _All this time – what does she think he's been doing?_ '

He wanted to let it drop. ' _It's for her. It's always been._ _But he had dropped many arguments before. Things he should have said but he didn't. Things he should have fought but he let go. Almost always for the same reason. Dropped or fought. For the same reason._ _So, be it._

"You happened." He said almost inaudible when Liz headed for the door.

Liz stopped on her track, then turned around to face him. "What?"

"You happens." He repeated more firmly this time.

Liz's eyes were a mixture between confused and concerned, slightly demanded for more explanation.

Then he realized something and the old wound was back.

"So, it's ok for you to hide something from me and not ok for me to do the same?" He shook his head. "Can't believe you, Keen."

Liz's eyes grew bigger, then looked sad.

"So, this is all about payback?" she asked. Her voice was low. "I thought you'd said you're over it." She added.

"Oh, yes, I was! I thought I got over you!" He said bitterly.

Liz flinched. He also winced after realizing what he'd said.

She probably got hurt, but he surprised he didn't care, and continued, "Until you suddenly showed up and everything was coming back flooding my mind."

"Ressler –" she tried to calm him down. He just knew from her gesture.

"No!" He stepped back.

"You want me to say it why, I'll say it!" His voice raised sharply. "It's because I don't want to feel that again – your death and funeral. It's real for me, Keen! Also your tendency to almost got killed because of your nonsense decisions. Since Connoly shooting, how many times I have to see your life always on the edge? With the Russians, Solomon, Kirk, then this night. I can go on and on to include the past – not to mention your ex-husband – since we first met. But you," He paused, catching his breath, "You just didn't care... you don't know how much you meant to us, to Red, Aram, –"

He paused again, ' _to me'_. He took the air again, to regain control for himself. ' _What's the point to say it now?'_ But his heart was hurt like hell.

"Just how many times, Liz?" He repeated. "How much it takes you to realize that I –" He inhaled deeply. "That I –"

He stopped himself then, desperate. ' _Why is it always hard for him to say directly to her_? _What's wrong with him_?!'

He found Liz's arms enveloped him around his waist, felt her head stayed on his chest, like she's listening to his chaotic heart beats. He wanted to fight her. But he couldn't. He felt so tired. Slowly, he gave up again. He let her held him. He breathed in and out as calmly as she did. Felt his erratic heart rhythm was slowly back to regular. Slowly put his hands on her back, holding her back. Silently wishing the moment just stop right there. It was a rare moment in their life after all.

"I know that you care about me so much." He heard Liz said softly. "And I'm always grateful for what you do. But I believe you know that in our line of work, anything can happen, especially if you're connected with Reddington. I care about you too, Ress. That's the only reason I showed up. I know that you've been undercovered. I know that you almost got killed two months ago."

Ressler's heart stopped for a second, and he took a look at her face, clearly surprised, found her watery, yet beautiful blue eyes looked back at him. No secret, just a plain honesty.

"I tracked you with Aram's help after accidentally knew about contact between Red and you." She continued.

"Liz..." he trailed off, didn't know what to say.

"How about we promise each other, that there will be no more secret between us?" She offered.

Ressler couldn't help himself, raised his right hand to her face, while his left hand still around her waist. His tumb wiped away her single tear that's escaped.

"I promise." He said seriously.

Liz started to smile, opened her mouth to say her promise.

"It happens that I do love you so much." He blurted out softly, while put some of her hairs that framed her face behind her right ear.

Liz's eyes shot up opened.

"Ressler –" she said, completely forgot what she wanted to say before.

Ressler put his index finger to her lips, stopped her, then slowly lowered his head, carefully kissed her. Gently. It was soft but brief.

' _I missed you so much, Keen_ '. His heart cried out, but he's scared he couldn't control himself if he voiced all his feelings out.

"You still need to go." He sniffed after the kiss, started to let go his hand from her, stepped back.

Liz protested.

"Please, Liz."

"I love you, too." Liz said, her tears were back. She launched herself to kiss him. Hard. He didn't back away. Accepted her. Accepted everything. And responded. It was his dream after all.

When their kisses ended, they're out of breath, and their foreheads were on one another, he said to her in his most earnest.

"I promise – after this is all over, I'll come to you." He said between his erratic breath.

Liz shook his head. "This is not fair..." she said breathlessly.

"Just go now with Red and promise me to try best to keep safe."

Liz sobbed then looked at him. "I promise. Please you do the same."

Ressler felt heart broken just by looking at her defeated face.

He only nodded, then stunned because Liz kissed him again. It started so sudden and ended so abruptly he couldn't response. Then she's gone.


	6. A new chapter

**Chapter 6**

 **A New Chapter  
**

Somewhere in the Northern Netherlands

It was almost 11 pm at the hotel where Elizabeth Keen stayed. She watched her 4 years old daughter played with Raymond Reddington and Dembe while at the same time her mind flew back to him. It's been three months since the last time she saw him in that hotel. Three months since he said for the first time that he loved her. Three months since he kissed her and she kissed him back. And not a day went by that she didn't think about him. His safety. His life. She's in the dark. Even Reddington.

"Lizzie," Reddington made her heart jumped.

She lifted her eyes to him without words.

"Come on, let's go. We don't want to miss the big firework, right Agnes?" Red said, partly to her and partly to Agnes, while holding her small hand.

"Yes, Mommy! Let's go!" Agnes nodded enthusiastically.

Liz smiled at her.

"Right, Sweetheart. Wait a moment, ok?"

She grabbed her scarf and coat and followed them outside.

The walk to the city centre was not far. But, if Agnes wasn't with them, surely it would be very quiet journey.

"You will love the firework this time, Lizzie." Red said with mischivieous smile, breaking the silence.

Liz only smiled and nodded. "Yes, it's because we still live after all chaos with the last blacklister to see it."

Reddington laughed proudly. "That's an unexpected answer -to be honest. But, on top of that, do you know that this afternoon I was doing a little research about the fireworks they plan to burn tonight. They said – one of them was made in China – you see it's really expensive because it can write something in the sky –" Red continue on his story about how sophisticated fireworks were now.

Liz listened but not really paid attention to detail. But she admitted, Red's story was good to make the time passing by because she's suddenly aware they had arrived at the city centre.

There were not so many people there. Liz suspected it's because the city where they spent holiday was not so large. It was almost midnight. At the balcony of an old building in the centre of the city sguare, some people played a loud music, a modern one. Red took the position slightly far behind the crowd. Liz just followed suit. Dembe started to take pictures of the surroundings.

While Reddington kept chatting with Agnes, Liz looked around. She dipped her gloves hands into her pockets deeper, feeling cold. She heard Agnes laughed happily when Red pointed to the sky, at the fireworks. Liz smiled. She couldn't imagine what her life would be without them. Still she felt something missing inside. The crowd started to count down the time. The old bell heard from a tower not far from where they stood. Another year was coming. Then, the sky was so bright. Agnes was cheering. Liz just looked at the sky while her mind was wandering.

"Mommy, look!" Agnes cried. Liz turned her head to the direction pointed out by her little daughter. The firework was a little closer to their place. Liz stunned. It's because the firework was flying a couple of times in the sky forming her name and Agnes. Then, there's another word. It was "Don". Another firework. It was a symbol for heart. A symbol of love. Liz frowned. ' _Liz – Agnes – Don – Love_ '

Her heart was beating hard. Liz looked down to the person who burn the firework. She gasped. She faced his back, clothed in black coat. It was a little dark. But she recognized the posture. The height, the size, the back-form, the color of his hair, everypart of him was so familiar to her. He turned, facing her. Smiling.

Liz couldn't believe her own eyes.

"Ressler..." His name escaped her lips, was barely heard.

"I told you, you will love this one." She heard Red said in a low, but certain voice.

She couldn't stop herself not to run to him. His smile was growing widely as she leaped into him, as he catched her, lifted her up, spinned her while laughing, then put her down. Both were breathless. Their eyes locked. Their forehead touched.

"Missed me?" He whispered.

"Not really..." Liz answered in teasing tone.

"Liar..." Ressler said between his laugh.

Then she hugged him. Breathed in his presence deeply, feeling him. Ressler returned the embrace immediately. She heard his deep-heavy voice whispering softly between her hair while also stroking them and her back,

"It's all over, Liz... Will you stay with me?"

Liz loosened her embrace, just to put a little space between them, still holding his arms and looked up at him.

"Are you still asking? Seriously?" she said. Her eyes danced in joy.

Ressler laughed, then said with his toxicating smile,

"I really want to kiss you right now, but with Agnes, Dembe and Red watching ..."

Liz smacked his upper arm and laughed again.

"Come on!" She pulled him, hand in hand, they walked closely to where Reddington, Agnes and Dembe were standing.

Five minutes later they're still there, watching fireworks at the sky before them. From left to right: Ressler, Liz, Reddington and Dembe. Ressler's left arm was holding Agnes while Agnes small hand was circling around his neck. Liz tucked her left arm inside Ressler's right elbow, while her other arm held his, and lean her head to his shoulder. Reddington was standing close to her, smiled in satisfaction. Dembe put emotionless face, but there was some peace written there. Liz turned her head to find Red, and said softly,

"Thank you."

Red only gave her a nod and a look she understood very well. Liz smiled and more firmly hold on to Ressler. She felt his arm moved, enveloped her from behind her back, brought her closer to his side. He kissed her temple sofly. Liz closed her eyes. In her mind the sky had never been so bright that it almost blinded her.

The End.

Author's note:

Thank you for all the reviews that's been posted. I really appreciate it!

Happy New Year, Everyone! May the New Year brings the best Keenler moment =D


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